


In Need Of Love

by Iithril



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (they just need to talk), Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28407303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iithril/pseuds/Iithril
Summary: Bucky is exhausted, loosing his sleep because his nights are haunted by nightmares, spending his days trying to avoid everyone else in the Tower.Unbeknownst to him, Rhodey and Tony have a plan.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24
Collections: MCU Christmas Exchange





	In Need Of Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Purple_ducky00](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purple_ducky00/gifts).



> Written for the [MCU Christmas Exchange](https://mcu-christmas-exchange.tumblr.com/), for Ducky! I hope you'll enjoy it, I managed to add some angst (and I tortured Bucky again with it, it seems like it's becoming a habit...)
> 
> All my gratitude goes to my amazing beta for this story, Franque M.A., who proofread it in the middle of the holidays and saved me. 
> 
> And many thanks to [Ruquas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruquas) for organising this event again, being a fantastic and understanding mod and a wonderful and kind human being.   
> It's been just over a year since I started to post my stories, it all started with this event, and once again it was a blast and I really enjoyed participating!

"You did that."

"You're a murderer."

"I hate you."

They were surrounding Bucky, extending their hands, reaching for him, tucking his hair, caressing his chin, their voices like velvet, but their words steel cutting deep into his soul. There was Steve, of course, accusing him of having betrayed their friendship, of having left him alone. There was Stark, hate shining in his eyes, his fists clenched, his whole body tense as if he was ready to jump at Bucky's throat. There was Stark's friend too, the one who shared his name with Bucky, a protective hand on Tony's shoulder, his face expressionless, his whole posture defensive.

It was always the same thing, each and every night since Steve had brought him back to the Tower. Even if he tried to exhaust himself as much as he could during the day, exercising for hours in Stark's gym, thankful for the fact that Stark had reinforced everything to make up for the strength of Steve and even Thor — meaning he could punch hard without fearing to break anything, even with his metal arm.

Even if his eyelids were so heavy he could barely keep them open, even if his body was begging for sleep, his muscles sore, his soul aching for rest, the nightmares were always there. They barely changed in nature, always following the same pattern — people he cared about expressing their hate. Despising him, what he had done. His very existence.

It felt like it was slowly killing him. It was draining, all those sleepless nights, waking up panting and sweaty, hateful words ringing in his ears, echoing in his mind, covering all his thoughts. The words weren't even the worst — Bucky was telling himself those very same things on a daily basis. The worst was the people saying those words. He knew them. He trusted them, had faith in their judgement. During the day, they were supportive, trying to help as best they could, respecting his boundaries and meeting his needs.

Each time his head rested against his pillow, each time he was trying to find some sleep, to let go of his burden, to escape for a moment into oblivion, those persons were here to torment him, remind him of who he was and what he had done.

He was barely holding on — it had been going on for weeks, maybe months. He would doze off in the gym, startled awake by angry accusations echoing in his mind. He would space out during meetings, brought back to reality by venomous whispers. The dark circles under his eyes could be hidden with make-up, but the trembling of his hands, the frenzy of his heartbeat, the sighs that escaped his lips as he struggled not to drown, those were signs he couldn't conceal anymore. And he was terrified for people around him to see, because he knew they would. He couldn't hide in the gym forever, sliding out of his room at ungodly hours to avoid seeing anyone, surviving on coffee and fruits that he devoured as fast as he could.

Part of him wanted someone to notice. Part of him wanted _two_ _certain_ _people_ to notice, to whisper that he would be okay, to offer him comfort and a safe haven where he could sleep. Part of him wanted Tony Stark and James Rhodes to be the guardian of his nights, to shush his fears away, replace the everlasting, lingering cold of his nightmares with the warmth of their hands and the murmur of their voice. But if there was anything his nightmares had convinced him of, it was that Stark and Rhodes would be the last persons to do that for him.

~°~

"Hey Tony, can we talk?"

Rhodey's voice startled Tony, deeply focused, surrounded by schematics and holographic projections, but he relaxed as soon as he recognised Rhodey. He was one of the only people Tony trusted with the access to his lab without Jarvis asking him for permission beforehand.

"Sure, honey bear, what do you need?" Tony answered, pushing away from the table and turning his chair to face Rhodey.

"You've seen James over the past few days?"

It took Tony a second to associate "James" with someone else than Rhodey, and he blinked as he remembered Bucky's name was also James. Tony was used to hearing Steve say "Bucky" all the time, it was hard for him to think of the man with a different name. Especially this one.

Had he seen Bucky over the past few days? He had barely gotten out of the lab, too busy working on his latest project, just taking time for incursions into the kitchen and his shower when he needed to. His workshop bench wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep on, but he had seen worse. So no, no Bucky in sight.

"Not that I can remember. Why the concern?"

Rhodey crossed his arms and clicked his tongue, eyebrows down in a frown.

"I passed him this morning. I don't think he was expecting me, I was just searching for a snack, and he was there. Tony, he's... I don't think he's okay."

Tony stayed silent, offering an opportunity for Rhodey to carry on, which he did.

"I'm not sure you'll like the comparison, but he looks like you did when you came back."

The words hung in the air as Tony shivered involuntarily. He knew what Rhodey was talking about, of course. It still haunted him sometimes, although his therapist had helped a lot. If Bucky was even close to Tony's state _back then_ , then no wonder Rhodey was worried about him.

"You sure?" he asked anyway, as he didn't want to go and see Bucky if he’d just had a bad night. That happened to every single one of them — not that Bucky didn't deserve to be helped if he had a bad night, far from it, but since he always seemed uncomfortable next to Tony, avoiding his presence, fleeing the room when Tony entered, it would be embarrassing to ask him if it was that.

"Dark circles so deep he looks like a panda? Hands shaking around his mug? Haunted looks as if someone was going to jump at his throat? Startled at every noise?" Rhodey replied vehemently, counting on his fingers as he made his list of symptoms. "I know the type, Tony, remember? I was there, I saw you. And you two look nothing alike, but I swear I could see you in him when I entered the room."

"Okay, okay, I believe you!" Tony said, hands in the air, smiling at Rhodey's energy. "You know I believe you, honey bear. The question is, what can we do?"

"You remember what I did for you?"

"You lulled me to sleep by staying at my side, neglected your military duties until I was a bit better, and then you gave me the number of a good therapist and made me promise to call you whenever I needed you."

Tony remembered. He remembered Pepper, who couldn't take it anymore, afraid of what Tony had become, scared for him and unable to help as much as she had wanted. Rhodey at his side, talking when Tony had needed another voice to cover those screaming in his head, staying silent when even a whisper would have been too much. 

Leaving him alone whenever he screamed and cried and collapsed in a corner, but always coming back for him, picking up the pieces, not judging, only offering his presence. 

Ignoring phone calls, ignoring the messages ordering him to go back to work, ignoring his duty in favour of Tony. Opening his arms, lulling him to sleep, waking him up when Tony was lost to nightmares, drying the tears on his cheeks, holding his trembling hands until they stopped shaking. 

Ending his sentence when Tony lost his words, shutting the TV down when the journalists talked about Stark Industries and the absence of its leader, leaving the lights on when he left a room. All for Tony.

The only problem was that Tony loved Rhodey as much as Rhodey loved him. He couldn't say the same of Bucky, who kept fleeing him as if his sight was unbearable. He couldn't exactly offer Bucky a hug, not when the man looked like he was on the verge of throwing up when he saw Tony.

"Does Bucky avoid you like he avoids me?" Tony enquired innocently, already thinking of a plan.

"He avoids you?" Rhodey answered in a surprised voice.

"Like the plague, yeah. So I guess he doesn't do that with you, huh?"

"No, he seems uncomfortable, but like you were. Hang on, why would he avoid you?"

Tony only raised an eyebrow and stared at Rhodey until he whispered a soft "Oh, yes, I see."

"So there is that."

"But didn't you tell him you forgave him?" Rhodey asked, apparently puzzled about Bucky's behaviour, and Tony couldn't blame him, he didn't understand either.

"I did. But I'm not in his head, and maybe I'm a reminder of what he’s done, you know?"

"I guess I’d want to avoid you, in that case," Rhodey admitted with a wince.

"So you're up to the task, honey bear," Tony said in a gleeful tone, winking.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know! You both served in the Army, you must have some anecdotes you can share about that, right? If he doesn't loathe you _as much as_ me, I'm sure you can socialise with him."

Rhodey looked at him, his eyes narrowed, and Tony could see he was thinking of something. He wasn't sure he was going to like it given how neutral Rhodey's face was, hiding any hint of mischief.

"If I do that, will you try and sort your situation with him?"

Before Tony could even say a word, Rhodey carried on. _Knowing_ Tony well, he was aware of his talent to speak endlessly to change the subject. Tony would have smiled and joked about it if he hadn't been trying to process what had just been said.

"I'm not blind, Tony. I see how you look at him. And I see how he looks at you. He may not loathe you as much as you think."

"But..." Tony started, finding himself at a loss for words. "I have you," he only managed to say, stuttering.

"What if you could have both of us?"

Tony frowned. "Too many variables in this equation. Would you be okay with that? Would Bucky be? For your information, I still think he hates me or something."

Rhodey shook his head dismissively, opening his arms for Tony to snuggle in. He closed his embrace and held Tony tight.

"You can just talk to him," he said softly, his jaw moving on top of Tony's head. "If anything, he'll tell you why he acts like that. At best, he won't mind your presence anymore."

Tony thought of answering something sarcastic only to have the last word, but Rhodey and he were past that now. He didn't feel the need to compete — he still would, from time to time, but only for the pleasure of it. It reminded him of their banter when they had first met back at MIT, where they had learnt to live with each other and to love each other.

"I'll try," he said instead, and he could feel Rhodey's smile, and pride bloomed in him.

~°~

Bucky was slightly confused. He didn't know if he had been sleep-deprived long enough to start hallucinating, or if it was real, but it felt very real for some reason. It didn't have the sharp edges, the strange echoes of his usual brain tricks. Instead, it was warm and tender.

It had started with greetings. Not that there was something wrong with them, but he usually didn't see anyone who could greet him — Steve, occasionally, sometimes Thor when he came back from his home... universe, seemingly because they didn't have the same time continuum or something, but that was all.

Now, both Tony and his boyfriend, Rhodey, would make an appearance in the kitchen, or go to the gym when Bucky was there. At first, they only greeted him, warmly but cordially, and left him alone for the rest of the time. When in the gym, he could observe them. Their synchronicity, their banter, the soft looks they exchanged. He felt almost uncomfortable witnessing all of this. It felt... intimate.

And he didn't understand why Tony was suddenly around him a lot more, when Bucky was convinced the man hated him and what he had done. He had said that he had forgiven Bucky, but those words couldn't have been genuine. It must have been to ease his mind, alleviate the burden of his guilt.

Then it had shifted to small acts of service. Offering him a water bottle or a towel. A hand to get up after a rough session with the machines. A cup of coffee prepared specially for him. It was heartwarming, really, and it helped Bucky's sanity to have interactions with other humans, not only voices in his head. But it also made it increasingly difficult for him to hide how bad he felt, how tired he was. How his whole body was trembling all the time, longing for sleep, for rest. How he wanted more, so much more.

He couldn't have it.  Surely  Tony was doing this for a reason, maybe because Steve had asked him, out of politeness. Steve would do something like that, ask them to bond, to tighten the links that tied the team. And Bucky couldn't help but feel bad for Tony who was playing along, bearing his presence, even smiling at him. He couldn't fathom how Tony could talk to him, even less  _ smile _ .

And what a beautiful smile! What a fucking beautiful smile Tony Stark had! He could grin like the Devil and Bucky wanted nothing but to place his hands on Tony's cheeks, feeling the stretch, the wrinkles that betrayed how much he smiled, feeling the years of offering sparks of joy and love. He could smile dreamingly, gazing at Rhodey, his eyelids fluttering, and Bucky would long to ask him what he was thinking about that brought such a lovely smile to his lips.

Well, he knew what brought such a smile. Rhodey was a tranquil, soothing presence. He was efficient but always ready to crack a joke, gentle and steady at Tony's side. Whenever he was holding Bucky, offering him a hand, standing over him when he lifted weights, he always seemed... reliable. His smile didn't appear as much as Tony's, but he was radiating warmth, and it was just as gorgeous for Bucky, each a gift he cherished. Tony was shining, Rhodey was glowing. And Bucky looked up to them like stars — sparks of love from far away, guiding him, preventing him from going astray, but too far to ever be attained.

He loved them, he realised one night as he was desperately trying to fall asleep. He loved them both, but he could never have them, not after what he had done, not when they already offered him so much. 

It would be terribly selfish to ask for more, to force them to give him more. He had to be okay with what he was given for now, he had to, he said to himself. He couldn't allow himself to be selfish, to show his weaknesses. He had to carry on, hide his trouble and hope that eventually they would leave him alone again, once they couldn't conceal how much they were solely doing _it all_ out of politeness.

~°~

"You sure you want to do that?" Rhodey asked again, and Tony thought about sighing dramatically, because it was already the tenth time Rhodey  asked, and Tony had reassured him nin e times, and he understood Rhodey wanted to be certain Tony was comfortable with their plan, but  _ he was _ .

If he was being honest with himself, he was actually thrilled with their plan. Weeks of trying to comfort Bucky and being there to support him had changed Tony's thoughts — he wasn't quite sure anymore if Bucky hated him. There was still something odd with his behaviour and how he interacted with Tony, shying his eyes away when Tony smiled at him, avoiding touching him, but still lingering in the touch when Tony initiated the contact. He was acting the same way with Rhodey, and sometimes Tony would catch him staring at them, but he averted his eyes as soon as Tony tried to look at him. There was something going on, for sure, and it didn't feel like hate, which was some sort of progress.

Yet Bucky was still shaking, the dark circles under his eyes were still there, and Jarvis had told Tony he still had trouble sleeping, and that his extensive use of the gym was probably to exhaust his body in an attempt to fall asleep. So Rhodey had decided to move on to the next part of their plan — inviting Bucky to a movie night with them, and see ing if he c ould at least fall asleep or doze near them. 

He seemed to almost seek their presence sometimes, although he always told them they could leave whenever they wanted to, which was... weird. Tony was getting mixed signals, and he felt like Bucky was bearing their presence out of politeness, but what to do of the longing looks Tony caught? And the way his hands held Rhodey's, warm and trembling, but lingering slightly longer than necessary? Was he trying to keep his feeling s of hatred and guilt under control, thus spacing out from time to time?

The problem was, Tony had caught feelings. Technically, he’d had sort of a crush on Bucky before he and Rhodey started to interact with him this much, but now? He was pretty much in love. He didn't want to burden Bucky with unrequited feelings, and he had discussed this a lot with Rhodey, who had casually admitted that he had caught feelings as well. He was better at concealing it than Tony was — always had been. He was the one easing negotiations when Tony was too tired to play his part, too tired to play someone he wasn't. Rhodey was the one dealing with the high-ranking officers in the army whenever they showed up, because he knew how to talk to them. He knew how to talk to people the way they needed to be talked to, even if that meant he needed to be brutally honest, something Tony had yet to learn.

They still were like two idiots hiding their feelings for someone they weren't sure actually enjoyed their presence or didn't actively hate them, but they could live with it. It had been part of the plan when they had started, and even though it surprised Tony that Rhodey was now loving Bucky too, it meant they could talk about it and act together, like they always did. He was fucking grateful to have such a wonderful, loving, caring boyfriend.

But back to the plan for now.

"Yeah, I'm sure. The question is more if _Bucky_ is comfortable doing it, actually."

"We'll ask him," Rhodey said mildly, his hands running through Tony's hair, playing with the curls, much to Tony's pleasure.

"We'll say, hey Buck, by the way, we're both in love with you, and we know you might hate us, but have those unrequited feelings, add them to the pile of hate and guilt and exhaustion, and live with it," Tony laughed bitterly, and he snorted as he heard Rhodey sighing against him.

"You're insufferable."

"Yeah, that's one of my greatest talents, you know? Everyone agrees on it."

"Shall we go?" Rhodey asked, choosing not to dwell on Tony's self-deprecation. It still made Tony smile, the way his lover bluntly changed the subject, bringing the conversation back to what was important.

"Let's go, honey bear."

~°~

"Would you like to watch a movie with us tonight?" Tony asked, and Bucky blinked once, then twice, his brain trying his best to process the words through the fog of exhaustion. His heart raced when he deciphered the meaning of the question, but he made sure to keep his face neutral. He didn't want to force Tony and Rhodey through something they didn't want, like ruining their movie night together just because they were trying to be polite.

"I, uh..." he started, searching for an excuse to turn down the proposition.

" I don’t feel like watching a movie tonight," he finally let out, and it almost looked like disappointment on both Tony's and Rhodey's face s , but maybe they were just really good at faking how they felt.  It m ust have been something like that, they both interacted with journalists and such a lot, they were good at giving their interlocutors what they wanted. It didn't help the pang in his heart, torn between his desire to spend more time with them and his inner restraint, for he knew they wanted to be alone.

"Feel free to change your mind," Rhodey said gently, and Bucky wanted to change his mind, to say  _ please, yes, thank you _ , but he didn't.  A ll those visions of Tony saying he hated him, all those despising looks Rhodey gave him  flashed in his head,  and it hurt him, burned him, but it gave him the strength to refuse. 

So he nodded ever so slightly then left, hurrying back to his room, tears rushing to his eyes. He felt light-headed and hot, his heart was febrile and painfully fluttering in his chest, and he felt terrible for wanting so badly to be with Tony and Rhodey this much that it made him cry to turn down their invitation.

He crashed in his pillow with a strangled cry, too tired to untangle his feelings and his thoughts, and just let the tears run down, breathing shakily, until– 

"Sir, I believe Sir Rhodes is at your door," Jarvis' voice echoed in the room, and Bucky stifled a sob, afraid to be heard from the other side of the wall.

"Tell him I'm not here, Jarvis, please," he managed to say, his jaw clenched, feeling sorry for Rhodey who had felt the need to come to his room when he must have wanted nothing but to be with Tony.

"Sir, he wants to know if you're alright."

"Just tell him I'm not here," Bucky repeated, his voice breaking.

"Hey, Bucky? I know you're here, but you don't have to come out," Rhodey's muffled voice filtered through the door. "I just... I'm sorry we upset you. Tony and I just thought... we just thought you'd enjoy an evening with us, that's all. We're sorry if we hurt you."

Bucky's heart was bleeding. He wanted to say it was nothing, that it was not their fault but his, that Rhodey didn't need to do this. He wanted to burst the door open and hide in Rhodey's arms, just like he’d seen Tony do a thousand times, and hide in Tony's arms as well. Revel in their warmth, tell them how beautiful they were, how he didn't deserve their kindness and their attention.

He stayed silent.

"We'll be in the living room next to Tony's lab, if you change your mind. Sorry again, and... rest, Bucky. We'll be there."

There was another silence, as if Rhodey was waiting for an answer, then the sound of footsteps walking away from the door filled the corridor, until they faded.

Bucky buried his head in his pillow again, a new stream of tears dampening his cheeks. He cried until his eyes were puffed and his throat parched, until he felt dizzy. And he thought about Rhodey's words. About the glances he had caught from Tony. About how disappointed they had looked when he had declined. Could it have been genuine?

Uncertain whether he was making the right decision, two voices in his head fighting about it, he wrapped his blanket around his shoulder, got up from his bed and walked to his door.

"Jarvis," he whispered, his throat hurting quite a lot now, "can you show me the way to where Tony and Rhodey are?"

"Follow the light, Sir," Jarvis immediately answered as a red dot appeared on the wall and began to move forward. With a sigh, telling himself that he had shed enough tears for the day anyway, Bucky followed the light and shut his brain, only focusing on the red dot, until he arrived in the entrance of the living room. 

Tony and Rhodey were comfortably installed on the couch in front of the huge TV screen, and they were talking, but their voices were covered by the sounds of the movie they were watching. He stayed still for a moment, watching them, admiring how gorgeous they were even this late in the night under the unflattering reflections of the screen.

Then something must have caught Rhodey's eye, because he suddenly turned his head towards Bucky, said a few words to Tony, who turned around and sprang to his feet

"Bucky? You alright?" Tony asked, and there was worry in his voice, and it felt so real, Bucky wanted so badly for it to be real, that when Tony opened his arms and walked to him, he gave up and hurried in to Tony's embrace, terrified of being pushed away, but relishing the contact, the warmth he had been dreaming of, the gentle strength of Tony's arms holding him. He sensed someone hugging him from behind and when he recognised Rhodey, he felt like crying again.  H e didn't know if it was  wit h joy,  with fear, or everything in between, but he cried.

He cried, and both Tony and Rhodey stayed. They stayed, holding him, anchoring him, Tony stroking his back and Rhodey whispering comforting words in his ear. They stayed until the tears stopped, and then they slowly walked him to the couch and installed him between them, their hands gentle, their eyes asking for permission that Bucky gave them silently, desperate for more, still terrified. They stayed until he fell asleep, preparing himself for the loneliness of the next morning, determined to remember every single detail he could save, because it couldn't possibly last.

They stayed until the next morning, when he woke up from his deep slumber wondering what were the two weights at his side, and why there hadn't been any nightmares. They stayed until he stirred and panicked when he found them, feeling guilty of having spoilt their night, of having asked too much of them.

They stayed, and Tony opened a lazy eye and murmured in a husky voice, "Hey, sweethearts," and finally Bucky allowed himself to hope, because there was so much love in Tony's expression when he looked at Bucky, and there was so much tenderness in Rhodey's voice when he embraced Bucky, his hands reaching for Tony's, locking Bucky in between them. He allowed hope to bloom, and joy with it.

"Did you sleep well?" Tony asked gently, his head hidden in the crook of Bucky's neck.

"I– yeah, I did," Bucky replied, a bit dazed.

"I didn't," Rhodey said behind him, and Bucky would have felt guilty if Tony hadn't giggled immediately.

"Next time, we're sleeping in your bed, Tony," Rhodey carried on, and Bucky's heart jumped in his chest when he heard "next time".

"Are your feet off the couch?" Tony asked, still giggling. He was so adorable, Bucky felt a smile stretching his lips.

"They are. You can't understand, tall people's problems!" Rhodey answered as he untangled their limbs and sat at the edge of the bed. He was glowing in the morning light, and Bucky's smile grew bigger when he winked at him.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Tony pouted.

"I'm not fair until I ha v e my cup of coffee, and you know it."

"I'm not short!"

"Yeah you are, and I love you for it."

They both stopped arguing at the same time, turning their attention to Bucky.

"Care for breakfast?" Rhodey enquired, extending a hand just like all those times before, and Bucky felt a wave of joy and love crashing on him. 

He was so lucky to have them, and he had so much to learn about them. And there would be many next times. Nights filled with warmth, days filled with love.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

**Author's Note:**

> If you have a moment and enjoyed your reading, feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments! Thank you~


End file.
